Tree a Day #5: Stillness is the Move

Drawing paired with journal entry?! Oh, happy day! ;)

For the first time in a long time, I took my time with yoga tonight. Practicing on your own for the past 4 months is quite a challenge lemme tell ya. I think what helped me was drawing the stretching yoga tree (above) and analyzing last night's dream (dream: I was driving my car, then let my dad drive. The moment he started driving he got pulled over for speeding).

I did yoga tonight, and rediscovered that practice means having patience. Usually I am rushing to finish yoga, or am distracted by the random fat men trying to learn martial arts, or the latest episode of Glee blaring on the TV, but this time I completely surrendered. I was slow & full of intent. I relearned the poses and approached it like a beginner. I remembered that the practice reflects the self. I had been approaching the healing process (from the break up) as something to be done with, not something to enjoy & savor as an experience on its own. I have to be patient & stillness IS the move! Stillness of mind & heart to let painful thoughts come & go without disturbing your self, strength & composure. And tonight, as I was patient with my body, I could feel my heart & mind learning to be patient with themselves. I held the poses with quiet resolute, confident that I could handle the strain for two breaths more, and I did. The dream with my dad was my subconscious telling me to slow down. That there's no rush to get to the point where I'm ready to share my journey with someone.

Just be patient & be still. All the answers, resolutions, and bandaids are within me if I just quiet down. And they aren't in the form of thought. They're in the form of knowing.

Greeting Card sketches

just doodling some ideas for a greeting card :)

Progress Report #3

it's getting there!

Tree a Day #4

tree with some henna-inspired designs

Tree A Day #3

mmm because I missed autumn in nyc.

Progress Report #3

I started the second baby :) Haha worked on this while watching Indian Jones & the Last Crusade with my cousin. Love that movie. 45 mins of distracted work.

Completely Complete

This post got me thinking about relationships and how much I learned from the last one:

No matter how hard you try & give, it'll never be enough if you feel incomplete & wounded. I remember realizing that a few years ago... that you could be with the greatest person ever, but you will never trust their love because you don't trust your own. So how can you reciprocate? How can you give? How can you expect to give yourself without losing yourself in the process? It just delays the unavoidable which is relearning how to love so that it's done unconditionally. And it's such a painful process... to cut your roots and dare them to grow elsewhere. But it's what's necessary & best for you. And if you can't fight for your own growth & betterment, then what's the point of existing? You could give & give to the world, but if you never learned to give to yourself, love yourself, your services may be pained, the joy from it temporary, and you risk your gifts being tainted with resentment. Relationships are about giving yourself to someone, but also about being whole before you even begin. And if you started one as a wounded soul, then the most you can do is hope the person you love loves you enough to let you g(r)o(w).