A thought on fighting the good fight...

A few days ago, I talked to James about ego and pride. When life is going so well, you start to become a little boastful or prideful. You're receiving consistent positive validation that you're doing something right and well. Confidence paired with validation gives you such a high, it's hard to come back down. Humbleness comes from understanding that you can still learn & make mistakes, and those opportunities can come from everyone & anyone. It’s like a tree. Learning, growth & openness are what ground you downward and your confidence and pride is what causes you to branch out and extend past yourself. Maybe that’s why rappers are always repping where they came from. It’s their roots. Their humble beginnings. It’s a reminder of their struggle from ashy to classy (points if you get that reference).

The thing to remember is that you never stop fighting, and you should never stop. A mistake I tend to make is thinking I can ride a wave of good fortune indefinitely without having to work. Good fortune doesn't really come in the form of a wave--it's a singular moment. The war still wages so you have to keep hustling. And it’s not about fighting to win, it’s fighting so you never lose or give up.

I carry art supplies the way a writer brings books

When I hung out with Kevin this weekend, I was reminded of one of his habits. When we got back from Long Beach, he unloaded five books from his backpack, which he never pulled out once while we were hanging out. To the average person, packing away five books in your backpack just in case you find yourself idle as you run errands or hang out with friends seems irrational, but I totally get it. I carry a backpack filled with sewing, painting, drawing supplies-up to four different projects!-just in case. It's not that we want to work all the time. It's just that we love our work, & would love to do it all the time.

Our minds are constantly churning ideas for paintings, stories, plays. We see the world through the lens of our craft. Just like the time I went to Baltimore... I kept thinking, Oh! Just like The Wire! I saw the city through the lens of The Wire. Well, perhaps that was a poor comparison but maybe you get it. Anyway, that mode is always on because somewhere down the line, the craft becomes you. It takes a while to get to that point, but I think that once you get there you stop questioning and doubting yourself in the way a fearful, self-immobilizing beginner would.

I've been talking to a lot of people about discipline. I really do believe it's the deal breaker (yeah! Liz Lemon!) between hobby and professional. Time seems to be the most common excuse for why people don't pursue what they love and want. With discipline, you're intentionally setting aside the time. You're allocating the resources and putting your craft first. Discipline is a tricky skill to learn and it works differently for different people. I think it starts with intention, knowing what's important to you and rarely compromising it. It may be challenging and entering you into a whole new world of struggle, but you'll be happy in a way few, if any, can take away from you.

Just a Thought...

I talked to my friend Ravi when I was in SF and he said something interesting:

"If you think life is something with an end destination rather than a journey, you're in for disappointment."

I completely agree. There's no such thing as putting life on hold, hitting the pause button on people and the relationships around you as you try to figure out life. You'll never get it. The moment you think you understand how it works or what the future will hold, the gears screech to a halt, something snaps, you've lost your way. You have to regroup, reexamine, and alter your course. At least that's the kind of life I want & welcome--it makes me grow. I've come across enough snags & forks in the road to understand that whatever happens on your journey, whether it be backtracking, slowing down, or walking into a situation blindly, you'll come out alive & with the right attitude, a better person.

Knowing this has helped me a great deal in trying to keep my head up as an artist. It's sooo difficult making a living from art, but I wouldn't change it for all the financial stability a day job could bring. Perhaps to some, living moment to moment may not be the most ideal business strategy, but I think there's a difference between being future-oriented and goal-oriented. I have my intentions for my business, and they keep me grounded as everything around me shifts.

Being an artist is a process, and making a business of your art is a whole different adventure altogether. Oh brother, what a world! :)

Learning While You Dream

Totally feelin' this nyt article. Cue excerpt:

“It’s almost as if your brain is rummaging through everything that happened today and deciding that you’re not done with it,” Dr. Stickgold said. “The things that really grip you, the ones you decide at an emotional level are really important, those are the ones you dream about. The things you’re obsessed with are the ones that your brain forces you to continue to process.”

It's such a romantic idea... that as your body rests, your mind stays active to help heal whatever gaping heart-wounds or burdening, unresolved issues you have before bed. I tend to have very vivid dreams that work to prepare, inform or explore whatever obstacles I'm facing in the spiritual, business & love/relationship aspects of my life.

For example, last night was somewhat emotionally traumatizing, and perhaps as a result, I dreamt that I was on the phone with my sister as I walked on the sand. Then, I noticed that the beach was covered with green snakes. I skipped around trying to avoid them, scared that they'd bite me. I eventually climbed up a ladder to avoid them, and watched the sun rise or set.

Now, according to my favorite dream website:

To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced. Alternatively, the snake may be seen as phallic and thus symbolize temptation, dangerous and forbidden sexuality. If you are afraid of the snake, then it signifies your fears of sex, intimacy or commitment. The snake may also refer to a person around you who is callous, ruthless, and can't be trusted.

To see sand in your dream, signifies a shift in perspective or a change in your attitude.

To dream that you are climbing up a ladder, suggests that you have reached a new level of achievement. It is symbolic of prosperity, hard work and your efforts. Consider also the phrase of "climbing the social ladder" in which you have achieved a promotion, a higher status, more power, or an important goal. Alternatively, it may indicate meditation and prayer. You are setting forth on a spiritual path and higher awareness. Each rung of the ladder is indicative of a stage in your spiritual awareness. You may also be looking things from a different perspective.

To see the sun in your dream, symbolizes peace of mind, enlightenment, tranquility, fortune, goodwill, and insight. It also represents radiant energy and divine power. It is a good omen to have the sun shining in your dream.

Uhhh.... YES. Hahahha. I agree! Definitely positively shifting my ideas/perspective because of a "snake." Anyway, I'm a firm believer in the power of dreams, and listening to the cryptic messages they're trying to tell you. It's just your brain trying to help a brotha out.

First Journal Entry in the PI

So I was looking through my google docs because I hadn't opened that ish in a while and I found many forgotten treasures, including my first journal entry in the Philippines, dated October 22 2009:

This is all natural. I feel incredibly homesick. Let’s just be honest and sit with the emotions.

I feel sad. I miss my home, I miss comfort. I miss feeling healthy. I thought I was strong enough to feel at home anywhere, but this is a true test. I know that I will make do and make a home eventually, but this is pushing it to the next level of adaptability. I miss my friends and I miss New York… down to the friends, the traffic, the jaywalking, the expensive mediocre food. I miss the wall Rich & I painted together. I miss the L train, I miss the Bronx and how far it is from everything. I miss how noisy Fordham road is. I miss my yoga studio and the teachers and the sauna. I miss having steady internet everywhere and anywhere. I miss 3^rd ward and how dark and dreary it is. I miss walking carefully on Rich’s bed to not upset the crates. I miss Sandeep and her pressure cooker. I miss Trader Joe’s and the chaos inside it, all to buy cheap beer. I miss going to lunch with David. I miss exploring the city and feeling safe. I miss exploring the city and still knowing where I am. I miss Pandora and hulu and netflix instant watch. I want to watch the wire with rich, curled up and covering my eyes. I want to drink the delicious water of nyc without thinking twice. I want to sit in a subway and sew amongst familiar strangers.

Now, for the remedy the remedy…

Yoga will bring me balance and groundedness. I must do it when I wake up and before I go to bed. Let my heart lead the practice.

Develop a routine or make a to do list everyday, like before. Make a home of here.

If you feel sad, embrace and hold the emotions, then let them go. You’re ok. Nothing you are doing is wrong or bad.

Continue to be open & honest with Rich, and continue to communicate with trust.

Adopt the mindset of a learner, not an observer. Be a sponge and absorb the world around you.

Create a goals list for the PI & Asia and continue to work towards those goals

Eat healthily

Be adaptable, while remembering why you came here in the first place

Complete the goals you set before leaving for the states

...I forgot to add something so important to the list… I have to be present. Of course I’m going to feel sad wishing I was elsewhere, but if I look around, and really look and absorb, I will see the amazing act I did, and am proud of.

I guess I feel comfortable sharing because I was able to work through it all in my 7 months here. I think what I'm most proud of is that "the remedy" turned out to be THE remedy. I knew myself better than I thought. So that last point about completing all goals before heading back to the US... consider it done :)

Merlin Mann on Creative Work

The man who brought us 43 folders talks about creative work and how to get started. It reminds me a lil of what Ira Glass said about the creative process, but with a slightly different take... more about how we procrastinate on beginning the creative process/the pursuit of ikigai. Have a listen! It's pretty entertaining & enlightening.

The Sound of Young America

Rosy-minded Fuzz: A Ramble on Travel

I've been feeling especially nostalgic recently for the good ole days in LA. The most recent memory was the road trip to Sasquatch (guess that wasn't in LA) with the folks and our siblings. Hahaha... "Oh I love you, sibling!!" That was so mean to KB. Oops. After the trip, we all found ourselves with gchat statuses quoting The National. I wish I took a screenshot of it because I remember thinking, YES. These are my friends. Alllllll nerds for music, who love "Apartment Story" as much as I do. Hahaha. Oh, and I just remembered singing along to "Mistaken for Strangers" in the car with KB in our deep, low voices :)

Oh, and happy 6 months in Asia to me! So much time has passed. Unbelievable. I see how living here has informed & changed my vision of how I want to live. I've been subconsciously picking up & integrating different philosophies & cultures like ikigai, Singaporean family values, the silliness & openness of singing anywhere. I love traveling & it's helped me learn to respect & appreciate the differences & idiosyncrasies of cultures. There are some traditions I disapprove of, like the mahouts breaking in a baby elephant with violence, but I also discovered and then worked for its beautiful alternative at the Elephant Nature Park. I've seen the filthy slums of India & the Philippines and the neat & tidy streets of Singapore & Japan; countries run by communism or intensely corrupt politicians where the people feel helpless about their own presidential election; locals who are willing to walk outside of their storefronts to point you in the right direction to those who won't even look you in the eye as they pass. I've been with strangers & friends, family and family I've never even met before, 4 generations of love. I've been in a long distance relationship & single & all the gray area in between.

These past 6 months carry significant changes, and I'm grateful for how it's helped me grow. One key point I learned about myself, that I didn't know before, is I can't say no to this lifestyle. I can't not travel & live out of a backpack for months at a time. I can't not get lost in a city where people sound like melodies as a result of language barriers. I can't not fill up a sketchbook with thoughts & scenes, connect with wanderlusters who feel like my best friends within 5 minutes of meeting.

That said, I'm ready to come home. It's been a year since I've had my own space, and as a Cancer, that's obscene!! Seeing the messy animation offices in the Ghibli Museum was the tipping point. I miss all my toys and ridiculous number of art books, animation posters (which includes Ratatouille, Spirited Away, Incredibles, Howl's Moving Castle & my favorite: the "For The Birds" poster I got at Pixar... jealous??? :). I've been dreading coming home out of fear I'd be unable to find the same sense of adventure of being in another country. Then I realized that my room, if it was a mess & jumble of artistic inspiration and kiddie fun, could hold all the adventure & imagination I'd ever need. So here's to coming home, working, and being able to hug my friends & add to that growing list of memories I'll turn to for the next time I find myself away from home.

These Days with the Quiet Traveler

While in Japan I noticed my usual travel mix no longer resonated the way it once did. So I made a new one and the all-star, top tune was "These Days" by Nico. The first half of the song hits home hard:

I've been out walking

I don't do too much talking

These days, these days.

These days I seem to think a lot

About the things that I forgot to do

And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,

I don't do too much gambling

These days, these days.

These days I seem to think about

How all the changes came about my ways

And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

Phew. Glad that gambling problem isn't an issue anymore! Just kidding. Anyway, the song ebbs & flows in relevance to my life, but this time around, I found myself really really connecting to it... especially when I was walking the streets of Tokyo or sitting in a train, silently observing.

I've been in a strange contemplative mood lately that I can't seem to articulate. I think it comes from the realization that I have 3 weeks left in Asia. I went from having the long endless stretch of 7 months to a trifling 3 weeks. When I summarize how I've changed & all the moments & (sooooo many) feelings, it feels like a timeless whirlwind. Then, when I break it down by country, months, flights & sketchbooks, I realize I've been here for a very very long time. I had a lot of fears going into the move to Asia, mostly about missing out on life back in the US, and now, I'm just so happy I've made it. I have my last voyage of SE Asia exploration to Singapore where I'll be with friends & family, then two weeks in the Philippines, which will *hopefully* be enjoyed with the person I've missed the most.

Twinkle Fingers

Oh man! I sure had fun today :)

Traveling can have its lonely moments, but living abroad and away from friends definitely has 'em. I've missed people my age, relating to fellow travelers & sharing the life I'm living with others. And all that resolved itself today with a lovely visit by Fabian :)

We met in Saigon on the roof of our hostel, on that ridiculous night of "never have I ever." Can I just say it's amazing how much more willing you are to open up to a fellow wanderluster than any other sort of stranger. There's a mutual understanding and connection that we all come from the same place, looking for a temporary shelter as we explore the world. We want to help each other realize whatever goals we've set for ourselves on the road. Ah, lovely!!

Anyway, of all the connections and common interests between people, I think this hunger for living through traveling is the strongest bond. That being said, the day was awesome. Swimming, cooking, downing vitamins with beer, checking all the fish to see if they're fresh... so fun! I've missed singing & jiving while cooking with someone, and having good conversations with full stomachs. And all the while listening to good tunes... O, to have someone enjoy the new jonsi album and "gaaaaaww" over the deliciously beautiful melodies...!

We talked about the goodness of having someone there with you to experience moments, especially when you travel. It's a way of confirming that what happened actually happened, and you're not alone in feeling what you're feeling. In a way, he being there confirmed the goodness of this life I'm living. Kristen, I can't wait for you get here! And Lino! I'll be seeing you in a little more than a week! Then Ishan & Harriet... and Akmal, I better see you soon, too! And after all that sharing & being with friends... I'll be two weeks from the day I fly home. Wow, time flies.

Fabian workin' the rice cooker. Yeah that's right. I posted it. That's what you get for making fun of my doggy paddle :)

Choosing Presence

I actually started writing this post a week ago, but haven't found a moment to finish my thoughts on it. Now I find myself in a state where I'm struggling to choose presence or being damn frustrated with a situation out of my control. So here's to self-healing!

My latest podcast binge has on the topic of time... ranging from spiritual, theoretical, scientific perspectives to simple personal narratives (two different links there). And from spending hours listening, I can only conclude that the present is a choice, one that you need to make over and over again throughout your life. And the more you choose it, the better off you'll be. The effects of surrendering to presence varies from person to person but overall, I think we can all agree on its healing abilities.

They did a study exploring Einstein's idea that time is relative... that it speeds up or slows depending on how fast something is moving relative to another:

Atomic clocks are extremely accurate clocks that can measure tiny amounts of time—billionths of a second. In 1971, scientists used these clocks to test Einstein's ideas. One atomic clock was set up on the ground, while another was sent around the world on a jet traveling at 600 mph. At the start, both clocks showed exactly the same time.

What happened when the clock flown around the world returned to the spot where the other clock was? As Einstein had predicted in a general way, the clocks no longer showed the same time—the clock on the jet was behind by a few billionths of a second. Why such a small difference? Well, 600 mph is fast but still just the tiniest fraction of the speed of light. To see any significant differences in time, you'd have to be traveling many millions of miles an hour faster.

Isn't that crazy?! That time is relative. We try so hard to quantify and build our lives around it, while it's actually our lives that control how it passes. So science & math can explain how our bodies move through time. How do you explain & quantify the mind & the imagination? I believe the imagination can leap to other worlds and dimensions, possibilities and times, so when we find ourselves lost in thoughts about the future, I believe we lose time. The world around us is a blur and we aren't aware of how we're moving from point A to point B. We miss what’s happening around us. And when we think back to the past and dwell in regret, we stop moving, almost to a halt, and the world speeds past us. We miss it.

Choosing presence creates more space for love. It slows us down and lets us be in the here & now. It gives us the time to observe every leaf on the ground, the details of every face we pass, the delicious smell of a ben & jerry's ice cream shop (teehee). To keep up with the world and all its loveliness, we have to be present. It's the key to living and enjoying life to its fullest.

I love that moment of stillness & completeness when you give yourself the gift of presence. The other day, I paused in the middle of the street on my way to yoga to do that. I was completely aware of the sounds of cars, the cold air that tickled my skin, and how dry my mouth was. And as I closed my eyes, I could feel my third eye swell, my heart grow light and my eyes flood with light in the darkness of the backs of my eye lids. It was beautiful. It is beautiful.

Progress Report #1: Harold (!!!!!!!)

Mmmmm!!! This one just makes me grin mostly because I haven't made a plush toy for myself since, um, since........... my first elephant in 2008? Everything else I've made with the intent of selling or have sold without meaning to. I used to have a problem with letting go of the things I create. Paintings, first prototypes of stuffed animals, sketches, etc. There are a few things that I'll never sell like the aforementioned elephant (she started it all!), my moon mobile and cabinet of curiosities. I've let go of my first tree branch (to Victo :), my first pair of headphones (a gift to its inspiration, Rich), first letter (to Bruce), first plush meets hollowed out book (to Kevin), muji pillowcase (to James), dinosaur (sitting sweetly in Majestical Roof), what I consider to be my greatest painting (on its way to the Elephant Nature Park) and ice cream painting (now sitting in a 2 year old girl's room in Maryland). I forget who but someone assured me that the more you make, the easier it is to let go. And I've found it to be true.

I remember watching Mary Poppins for the first time and one scene struck a nerve (no, not the waiter-penguins but they are awesome!). The sudden downpour causes Mary, Bert & the kids to escape from the world within Bert's drawings. The girl frowns as the rain washes away the chalk, and says, "Oh Bert! All your beautiful drawings!" Bert assures her not to worry because they're all in his head. And as the family scurries out of the rain, Bert stays to skip, dance & help the rain wash away his drawings. He even spins, watching the chalk smear under his feet.

Something about that scene just tugs at my heartstrings... I can see why I hold it dear to my heart. It's the mentality that the things you create and make exist to be shared even if they'll disappear, be ruined or run the risk of being un(der)appreciated. The outcome can't hurt you if you created it with love. So, about that piece of advice regarding making more & letting go... I'd like to change it a little: the more you make & create with love, the easier it is to give.

Here's the O.G. Harold. I changed the color scheme for the plush but damn, golden belly to rub can't be anything but super.

The Box vs The Toy

I was listening to a TEDtalk on creativity & play, and Tim Brown brought up an interesting scene: the box vs. the toy. At Christmas, kids tend to play more with the boxes than the toys inside them. I know I did, and the reason is exploration. Kids are more engaged with open possibilities and the box has more potential for the imagination than a toy, which has a very specific use. It also made me think of Le Petit Prince:

"If you please-- draw me a sheep..."
When a mystery is too overpowering, one dare not disobey. Absurd as it might seem to me, a thousand miles from any human habitation and in danger of death, I took out of my pocket a sheet of paper and my fountain-pen. But then I remembered how my studies had been concentrated on geography, history, arithmetic, and grammar, and I told the little chap (a little crossly, too) that I did not know how to draw. He answered me:
"That doesn't matter. Draw me a sheep..."
But I had never drawn a sheep. So I drew for him one of the two pictures I had drawn so often. It was that of the boa constrictor from the outside. And I was astounded to hear the little fellow greet it with,
"No, no, no! I do not want an elephant inside a boa constrictor. A boa constrictor is a very dangerous creature, and an elephant is very cumbersome. Where I live, everything is very small. What I need is a sheep. Draw me a sheep."
So then I made a drawing. He looked at it carefully, then he said:
"No. This sheep is already very sickly. Make me another."
So I made another drawing.
My friend smiled gently and indulgenty.

"You see yourself," he said, "that this is not a sheep. This is a ram. It has horns." So then I did my drawing over once more.

But it was rejected too, just like the others.
"This one is too old. I want a sheep that will live a long time."
By this time my patience was exhausted, because I was in a hurry to start taking my engine apart. So I tossed off this drawing.
And I threw out an explanation with it.
"This is only his box. The sheep you asked for is inside."
I was very surprised to see a light break over the face of my young judge:
"That is exactly the way I wanted it!"

Growing up and even until college, I very much resented being poor. I remember my first painting consisted of washable kindergarten paint, cheap craft acrylic, fabric puff paint & marker. My parents couldn't afford art classes or art camp, so I watched Bob Ross & Big A on channel 9 (PBS). We didn't have money to go out or go on vacations, so I spent my days indoors cutting from magazines for collages, "painting" the walls with a dry paint brush (which I later figured out was a trick to get me to dust... child labor!!), watching & pausing Disney movies on VHS to draw the different frames. I did the most I could from the little scraps of creativity around the house, but that most equated to a lot. I spent a significant amount of my childhood having to play with a box rather than a toy, not to say I didn't manage to get an NES for Christmas one year... that's one box I really loved haha! Anyway, eventually I came to realize what I once thought was a disadvantage (especially after going to USC where the rich kiddies can afford every head start) was quite the advantage.

There's the saying "think out side the box" (or bun [wah wah]). But really, there's nothing wrong with thinking within it. It'd probably do you & your imagination some good.

The Art of Positive Thinking

Your mind effects the universe, and it also creates it. Your thoughts absolutely determine your reality. How you generally feel inside and what thoughts you generally carry in your head is what's going to keep coming at you.

David Horvath, creator of Ugly Dolls, on achieving goals.

Let's do this exercise (I stole from a podcast :). Be in a relaxed space & state of mind. Close your eyes & focus on your breath. Now quietly repeat the word "trouble" to yourself. Do it a few times. Feel the word & the sensations it causes. Ok, now repeat the word "compassion" and "love." Feel the sensations those words cause. Do you sense that subtle difference in weight? I did when I did the exercise and if you did too... well, that is the power of positivity!

Imagine being in a state where you feel the word "trouble" constantly as opposed to one where your mantra is "love." If that weight was replaced by lightness, how different your entire world would be! You are the universe you create for yourself. And if it's gloomy, sad or bitter, then you'll see it all around you. You have to be open to the loveliness of the world to receive its loveliness. You have to believe in it first to let it into your life.

Gold stars all around!! :D

Power of Intent & 10k-hour Rule

The power of intent. It's a very powerful force and I'm a firm believer in its existence. It can take many forms like writing your goals down, saying a prayer, or casually telling a stranger what you want to do after you graduate. By sharing & expressing it, the intent transforms from floating, abstract want to tangible objective. Now this is where the 10,000 hour rule comes in...

In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the 10,000 hour rule... that to become a genius or master at any one thing, one needs to practice it for 10,000 hours. It's true of the Beatles, Bill Gates, etc. But what about 10,000 hours spent on the power of intent? And I don't just mean praying for something and then sitting around waiting for it to happen. I mean someone really believing, writing their to do lists everyday, working hard for any one thing to happen. If you did that for 10k hours would you find yourself surrounded by opportunity?

For me, I've reached my 10,000 hours, and it happened sometime when I was backpacking through SE Asia. I know this not because I sat down and did the math (but I did later and it has been 10k hrs), but because something clicked. I found my hands working in perfect synchronization with what I wanted to put down on the page. Drawing essentially became instinctive. When I look back, I can vouch for the 10k hour rule. I did drive hours in traffic to make it to figure drawing class after work; I did carry a sketchbook with me constantly; I did draw almost everyday. I worked my bum off for each hour, but before all the practice was the intent.

At my Kindergarten graduation, we each had to stand up in front of everyone and announce what we wanted to be when we grew up. How can you expect a 5 year old to know at that point of her life? I remember I said doctor or nurse, but not because that's what I actually wanted, but because I was too embarrassed to say animator. In the first grade, we had a talent show and while everyone wanted to dance or sing, I said "draw" and was laughed at (I got so sad I ran to the bathroom and cried!). So, far before the 10,000 hours of practice, I had more than 10,000 hours of intent simmering & marinating.

A few years ago, Ira Glass spoke at USC and talked about the creative process. He played a clip from his first story ever aired and he was AWFUL. I was soooo appalled!! Like Malcolm Gladwell says in Outliers, you expect all the greats to have been born great, but that's not the case at all. Mr. Glass started as an intern working his way up the food chain, which took yeaaaaars before TAL. The whole experience helped him understand that the creative process is actually 50% thinking and 50% doing. Those hours we spend dreaming of what we want to do, planning out the course of action, making changes, putting forth our intent... they're just as important as the doing. So, the way I see it, if you become really good at putting your intent out there, you're on your way to your 10,000 hours of practice if you aren't already. An hour spent dreaming and wishing isn't ever wasted.

Tree a Day #16: Buddha is Everywhere

I was listening to a podcast about buddha and love, and they brought up an interesting take.

Imagine everyone in the world, except one person, is buddha and the one person who isn't is you. And every one--as buddha--is trying to teach you and help you along your path. Therefore, every one has a purpose & reason for being in your life, from the stranger on the street to your best friend. Their influences may be different but their importance is equal. And it's natural for people to ebb & flow in & out (yum!!) of your life like the tide. There's a time & place for everything, and the same goes with people! The way I see it, believing that everyone exists to help guide you will only open you up to love. Your life would be a regular This American Life, discovering that every person has an interesting story to tell or a solid piece of advice, that the most ordinary is actually extraordinary. You could find adventures in your own backyard, which I feel is so difficult.

And as the boundaries dissolve between yourself and the world, the love & light you shine will flood the world, leaving nothing and no one untouched or unaffected by your love. Mmm... what a beautiful way to exist!

Thanks for reading, you buddha yoooou :)

I'd Like to Visit the Moon

I was talking to KB about sesame street and we started listing our favorite muppets. I seem to love the ones who don't speak english (well): Beaker, Swedish Chef, Animal & the aliens who go "yepyepyepyep uh huh uh huh." All time favorite though, ever since I was a lil kiddie, is Ernie. I just love his optimism, his laugh and in my opinion, he had the best songs: "Put Down the Duckie," "Rubber Duckie," "Dance Myself to Sleep" and my all time favorite "I'd Like to Visit the Moon." This song definitely goes on my travel mix.

There are so many strange places I'd like to be

But none of them permanently

So if I should visit the moon

Well, I'll dance on a moonbeam and then

I will make a wish on a star

And I'll wish I was home once again

Whenever the song came on Sesame Street, I stopped whatever I was doing to give it my full attention, and after rewatching the video, I see where I get my sitting on the moon sketches :)

Memories & Forgetting

I've been listening to lots of podcasts recently as I sew and wow, came across one from Radiolab about memories & forgetting. Turns out what they propose in Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind--erasing specific memories--is possible! You take a drug that prevents new proteins from forming between neurons as you are remembering something and poof! You're able to forget it a lil more easily. Painful memories aren't as painful anymore.

It got me thinking about what we would be like without our memories... if we were like goldfish or something. We wouldn't be able to learn & retain new tasks. Remembering names would be even moooore difficult... actually impossible! Would we wander around aimlessly? Would we have no personalities? Eerie! In the show, they corrected: there is no filing cabinet of perfect memories stored away in our brains. Memories are more of re-collections... Every time we recall a memory, we reform the memory. According to sexy genius nerd that is Jonah Lehrer, "the more you remember something, in a sense the less accurate it becomes." It's an act of creation, imagination, time, the present! And that's amazing!

Oh man... so many brain explosions. Listen/dload the clip here.

btw, this is jonah lehrer. told you so.

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable, I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world.

YAAAAAAAWP!

Walt Whitman is a genius. I love those moments when you feel energy boiling, simmering, marinating, welling deep inside you and the only thing to do to release it--to do it justice--is YAAAAAAAAAAAWP.  It's like lion's breath in yoga... this deep heavy release from the pit of your gut. We spend so much time whispering our lives with our voices low & our bodies confined. Just let it allll out. Wiggle and dance and shine out that energy! :D

Tree a Day #14: OM

I've been having so many good talks with friends...!! This time it's Biggers. I told him about the heaviness I'd been feeling from living abroad & being without my friends. Friends bring out different parts of you, and to be without those people... well, you find yourself being just you, as in your core you, plain & simple. While it's good to be yourself, it's exhausting, tiring, and frightening. KB likened to sleep. You need sleep to take a break from living (and I also think of that episode of Star Trek where the crew goes crazy because they can't have REM sleep). I miss my friends to take a break from being me. But at the same time, it's making me face a lot of issues and confront who I am. Anyway, at the end of all this talk of feelings, heaviness and changes, KB said:

I don't imagine that we'll be having the same conversations a few months down the road. Because I believe you'll  soften & lighten the heaviness plaguing you right now. But if we are having the same or a similar conversation it's ok.

Gah. "It's ok." Just hearing that, being reminded of that... I felt so much better. I feel like we often put too much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, by a certain time. When I work, I like having deadlines because I mold my schedule around meeting them. But I guess you can't approach life like that. You work toward deadlines. You live in the present.

Cultural Differences

I haven't experienced such intense racism in a very long time...

At the pool this morning there were mostly Europeans swimming laps in their very straight lines, very organized, very serious. Then the locals (mostly kids) started to trickle in, jumping into the pool, swimming wherever they wanted. I was rather amused by the difference in pool etiquette. For the most part everyone stayed out of each other's way. I got out and sat down by the Euros. A gent from their entourage came out of the pool screaming in anger. I can't understand French, but I did understand: brown fuckin' monkey, ignorant ape, yellow n-word, and my favorite, white power. And to add to the scene, he had a filipino wife (about my age.. he's probably in his early 40s) and a toddler. She just stood there smiling & feigning ignorance. I mean, if I could understand him, she sure as hell could too. Part of me wanted to speak up and say, Could you calm down please? Your words are offensive.... or even, Hey! if you don't like it here... leave!

I'm not really angry. Just shocked that people can be so angry & ignorant. Cultural differences. If you live in another country, you can certainly be frustrated & complain all you want about how it's different than your own customs but it's still down to you: assimilate, compromise or avoid. I guess it's an example of choosing unhappiness. 

I can say one thing though about the people here in the Philippines... they do know how to enjoy life & be happy with what little they have. Just as Thailand is the land of smiles, I can wholeheartedly vouch for the Pinas as the land of laughter.