I've been having so many good talks with friends...!! This time it's Biggers. I told him about the heaviness I'd been feeling from living abroad & being without my friends. Friends bring out different parts of you, and to be without those people... well, you find yourself being just you, as in your core you, plain & simple. While it's good to be yourself, it's exhausting, tiring, and frightening. KB likened to sleep. You need sleep to take a break from living (and I also think of that episode of Star Trek where the crew goes crazy because they can't have REM sleep). I miss my friends to take a break from being me. But at the same time, it's making me face a lot of issues and confront who I am. Anyway, at the end of all this talk of feelings, heaviness and changes, KB said:
I don't imagine that we'll be having the same conversations a few months down the road. Because I believe you'll soften & lighten the heaviness plaguing you right now. But if we are having the same or a similar conversation it's ok.
Gah. "It's ok." Just hearing that, being reminded of that... I felt so much better. I feel like we often put too much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way, by a certain time. When I work, I like having deadlines because I mold my schedule around meeting them. But I guess you can't approach life like that. You work toward deadlines. You live in the present.
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