Progress Report #2: Beagle

Mmmm... he's so cute. I'm having fun with the different textures & patterns, all blending together to get those beagle browns. It's been tough finding the time in between freelancing, but I'm managing. Sewing keeps me happy & my mind at ease.

Breakfast!

I ate a bunch of cookies yesterday and it made my tummy so sick. I haven't been eating processed foods recently (unless you count the occasional hopia or polvoron). So, to counter it, I had the most delicious papaya for breakfast. I just had to share how pretty it was (was because it's all gone now!). It cost 35 cents too! Take that USA! lol

Tree a Day #12

it's true. i have nothing but love for my wacom.

(just playing with the brush pressures on the pen)

Cultural Differences

I haven't experienced such intense racism in a very long time...

At the pool this morning there were mostly Europeans swimming laps in their very straight lines, very organized, very serious. Then the locals (mostly kids) started to trickle in, jumping into the pool, swimming wherever they wanted. I was rather amused by the difference in pool etiquette. For the most part everyone stayed out of each other's way. I got out and sat down by the Euros. A gent from their entourage came out of the pool screaming in anger. I can't understand French, but I did understand: brown fuckin' monkey, ignorant ape, yellow n-word, and my favorite, white power. And to add to the scene, he had a filipino wife (about my age.. he's probably in his early 40s) and a toddler. She just stood there smiling & feigning ignorance. I mean, if I could understand him, she sure as hell could too. Part of me wanted to speak up and say, Could you calm down please? Your words are offensive.... or even, Hey! if you don't like it here... leave!

I'm not really angry. Just shocked that people can be so angry & ignorant. Cultural differences. If you live in another country, you can certainly be frustrated & complain all you want about how it's different than your own customs but it's still down to you: assimilate, compromise or avoid. I guess it's an example of choosing unhappiness. 

I can say one thing though about the people here in the Philippines... they do know how to enjoy life & be happy with what little they have. Just as Thailand is the land of smiles, I can wholeheartedly vouch for the Pinas as the land of laughter.

Tree A Day #11: The Outcome

I talked to two wonderful people today: Rich & Adam. The conversations really helped remind me of where I am, who I'm becoming and what I want. Rich grounded me and Adam jogged my memory of a really important concept... 

no attachment to the outcome

I think when I adopted that concept into my life, it manifested in how I approach my work. When I make a piece of art, I lose myself completely to making the piece. I don't think about what it's going to look like in the end. I think about the lines and how the pen moves. Anyway, "no attachment to the outcome" didn't quite completely transfer to my approach to self-growth. I can't quite articulate how I can have no attachment to the outcome in regards to myself, but it does connect... That if one is working on trying to heal or grow, then one can't think, I'm going to do this to help me heal and get over so-and-so. Instead, I'm going going to do this because I want to. Because the act itself makes me happy. If you label everything with the intent of healing, it becomes weighed down all the emotional ties to the wounds. Not that one shouldn't acknowledge & honor, but gee, that's unfair to burden listening to a song or visiting a city with all that! So basically, to grow without the intent of healing... but just living. I hope this new approach will help me. I think it will.

oh, and these kids were so funny! they were playing over an air vent in the mall.

Progress Report #1: Beagle

he's getting there! :)

Fabric Field Trip!

this is where I went:this is what I saw:this is what I bought:for two eles & a doggy.

Oh, and this was my bonus:

filipinos playing magic & even more filipinos watching! geeek out!

Tree a Day #10

Daaaaayum

I just realized I probably sewed over 90 stuffed creatures last year. I started taking inventory in September and I have 81 plush friends logged. WTF! How did I do all that by hand?!

New Custom Order: Beagle

Soon I will begin the process of transforming this sketch into a huggable friend... right before your very computer screen! Poooof! 

Shout out to Emily for the challenge :)

Tree a Day #8 & #9: Keepin' it fro real, yo

I missed drawing people so walla! I present you with the people who walked by the tree I sketched! Rush hour is the best time to sit in Ayala park. It's dark enough so they turn on all the twinkle lights in the trees, but light enough so I can draw. And people are EVERYWHERE... walking around, jogging, doing the strangest stretches I've ever seen (like waving their arms around frantically while walking in a small circle. I assume its for circulation?). Some like to cuddle, some like to sit & listen to music. It's just a feast for the eyes. And it's right outside where I'm living :) . God bless primo location.

Drew this one while dining in the Philippine's first pay by weight frozen yogurt place, Qoola (aka yogurtland)!! Woo! Their tag line makes me giggle:

"Keepin' it fro real, yo"

Leave it to the pinoys to come up with corny gangstah slogans. REPRESENT! I also like that when greeting a man & a woman, the host doesn't split it up. They say: "Thank you ma'amsir!" Oh, and for some reason, the elevators smell like bubble gum. It's wonderful! And the floors are slippery so when I'm alone, I slide from one end to the other. Very short distance, but exhilarating regardless. 

Yes... I am a five year old kid trapped in a 25 year old lady :]

Paper & Type for the win!!

This girl is so talented. Check out the new goods

If you hadn't noticed....

I have a new website. And it's the prettiest thing you ever did seeeee. I'm just so thrilled. It's been essentially a year in the making and there's a lot of love & care poured into it.

Shout out to Bina & the lovely Fordham mac lab, the big apple for giving me the most chilling winter so all I did was work, Malaysia for blessing me with CS4, and all my friends for their opinions & advice when it was at stage triple negative beta. Oh, and of course.... the b man himself. I got nuttin' but loooooove for you baby (whatcha got???)

Word Vomit

of the projectile persuasion. The kind that stings and doesn't come out after two runs in the wash. The kind that flies out uncontrollably and everywhere, and on you. The worst is drying heaving word vomit... when you're just shouting words for the sake of shouting to be heard. No ammunition or weight or meat (gross)... just hot, sour, putrid air.

This is the kind of vomit I try to avoid, but have found a real skill for. Where the sentiments are actually nothing to be shared, and yet I do. I need to simply digest and deal with, gather what nutrients there are and purge the useless. I need to stop subjecting myself to unhealthy words & thoughts so that I have no reason to vomit in the first place.

I know I said dry heaving is the worst, but can I change that to word vomiting on someone? Because I think that's terrible. No one should ever find themselves covered in hurtful words and negativity. I don't care who you are, but no one deserves that. So I'm sorry to every person I've ever vomited on, especially the last victim. I should know better.

Tree a Day #7

That counts as a tree right?

Jason Schwartzman

Yup. An entire entry devoted to Jason Schwartzman. I'm not exactly sure why but I find him incredibly fascinating. I was flipping channels last night and thank god the Philippines is behind because they just started airing Bored to Death in two hour segments! WOOO! So, being a dork, I immediately dropped what I was doing and sat infront of the TV sketching him to understand why I find him attractive. My answer... I have no clue! He does have great hair and have you seen him rock out as the drummer of Phantom Planet in the California video?? Hahaha. Something about that monotone comedic delivery & quiet awkward mystery that just intrigues me. Ok, rambling done!

Progress Report #4... FINISHED

done done done done... time to scan & ship it off to ENP :)

Tree a Day #6

better put my gear on & start swimming
because that tree isn't going to swim to me!!

Tree a Day #5: Stillness is the Move

Drawing paired with journal entry?! Oh, happy day! ;)

For the first time in a long time, I took my time with yoga tonight. Practicing on your own for the past 4 months is quite a challenge lemme tell ya. I think what helped me was drawing the stretching yoga tree (above) and analyzing last night's dream (dream: I was driving my car, then let my dad drive. The moment he started driving he got pulled over for speeding).

I did yoga tonight, and rediscovered that practice means having patience. Usually I am rushing to finish yoga, or am distracted by the random fat men trying to learn martial arts, or the latest episode of Glee blaring on the TV, but this time I completely surrendered. I was slow & full of intent. I relearned the poses and approached it like a beginner. I remembered that the practice reflects the self. I had been approaching the healing process (from the break up) as something to be done with, not something to enjoy & savor as an experience on its own. I have to be patient & stillness IS the move! Stillness of mind & heart to let painful thoughts come & go without disturbing your self, strength & composure. And tonight, as I was patient with my body, I could feel my heart & mind learning to be patient with themselves. I held the poses with quiet resolute, confident that I could handle the strain for two breaths more, and I did. The dream with my dad was my subconscious telling me to slow down. That there's no rush to get to the point where I'm ready to share my journey with someone.

Just be patient & be still. All the answers, resolutions, and bandaids are within me if I just quiet down. And they aren't in the form of thought. They're in the form of knowing.

Greeting Card sketches

just doodling some ideas for a greeting card :)

Progress Report #3

it's getting there!

Tree a Day #4

tree with some henna-inspired designs

Tree A Day #3

mmm because I missed autumn in nyc.

Progress Report #3

I started the second baby :) Haha worked on this while watching Indian Jones & the Last Crusade with my cousin. Love that movie. 45 mins of distracted work.

Completely Complete

This post got me thinking about relationships and how much I learned from the last one:

No matter how hard you try & give, it'll never be enough if you feel incomplete & wounded. I remember realizing that a few years ago... that you could be with the greatest person ever, but you will never trust their love because you don't trust your own. So how can you reciprocate? How can you give? How can you expect to give yourself without losing yourself in the process? It just delays the unavoidable which is relearning how to love so that it's done unconditionally. And it's such a painful process... to cut your roots and dare them to grow elsewhere. But it's what's necessary & best for you. And if you can't fight for your own growth & betterment, then what's the point of existing? You could give & give to the world, but if you never learned to give to yourself, love yourself, your services may be pained, the joy from it temporary, and you risk your gifts being tainted with resentment. Relationships are about giving yourself to someone, but also about being whole before you even begin. And if you started one as a wounded soul, then the most you can do is hope the person you love loves you enough to let you g(r)o(w).

Progress Report #2!

One hour of work! :)

Progress Reports

Pre-inking! Enjoy the watercolor washes while you still can! The second one is for the elephant nature park, btw :) Both are based on sketches I did while in Vietnam. It feels great to finally put them down on giant pieces of watercolor paper.