First Journal Entry in the PI

Sunday, April 25, 2010

So I was looking through my google docs because I hadn't opened that ish in a while and I found many forgotten treasures, including my first journal entry in the Philippines, dated October 22 2009:

This is all natural. I feel incredibly homesick. Let’s just be honest and sit with the emotions.

I feel sad. I miss my home, I miss comfort. I miss feeling healthy. I thought I was strong enough to feel at home anywhere, but this is a true test. I know that I will make do and make a home eventually, but this is pushing it to the next level of adaptability. I miss my friends and I miss New York… down to the friends, the traffic, the jaywalking, the expensive mediocre food. I miss the wall Rich & I painted together. I miss the L train, I miss the Bronx and how far it is from everything. I miss how noisy Fordham road is. I miss my yoga studio and the teachers and the sauna. I miss having steady internet everywhere and anywhere. I miss 3rd ward and how dark and dreary it is. I miss walking carefully on Rich’s bed to not upset the crates. I miss Sandeep and her pressure cooker. I miss Trader Joe’s and the chaos inside it, all to buy cheap beer. I miss going to lunch with David. I miss exploring the city and feeling safe. I miss exploring the city and still knowing where I am. I miss Pandora and hulu and netflix instant watch. I want to watch the wire with rich, curled up and covering my eyes. I want to drink the delicious water of nyc without thinking twice. I want to sit in a subway and sew amongst familiar strangers.

Now, for the remedy the remedy…

Yoga will bring me balance and groundedness. I must do it when I wake up and before I go to bed. Let my heart lead the practice.

Develop a routine or make a to do list everyday, like before. Make a home of here.

If you feel sad, embrace and hold the emotions, then let them go. You’re ok. Nothing you are doing is wrong or bad.

Continue to be open & honest with Rich, and continue to communicate with trust.

Adopt the mindset of a learner, not an observer. Be a sponge and absorb the world around you.

Create a goals list for the PI & Asia and continue to work towards those goals

Eat healthily

Be adaptable, while remembering why you came here in the first place

Complete the goals you set before leaving for the states

...I forgot to add something so important to the list… I have to be present. Of course I’m going to feel sad wishing I was elsewhere, but if I look around, and really look and absorb, I will see the amazing act I did, and am proud of.

I guess I feel comfortable sharing because I was able to work through it all in my 7 months here. I think what I'm most proud of is that "the remedy" turned out to be THE remedy. I knew myself better than I thought. So that last point about completing all goals before heading back to the US... consider it done :)

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